Popkin

EvilPopkin@yahoo.com — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 21:22:00 GMT

Popkin (5:04:10 PM): So, I has a story
Lani (5:04:18 PM): hay
Popkin (5:04:30 PM): Hay
Popkin (5:04:39 PM): So, I'm sitting in my English class, waiting for it to start
Popkin (5:05:10 PM): And while me and the class are sitting there, one of the kids gets up, grabs a piece of chalk, and starts writing on one of the blackboards
Popkin (5:05:39 PM): And I'm, like, the only person really watching him
Lani (5:05:47 PM): oo;
Popkin (5:05:57 PM): So he finishes writing and sits back down and I see what he wrote
Popkin (5:06:10 PM): 'Furry Club contact Jordan at blahblahemailadress'
Lani (5:06:18 PM): FURRY CLUB
Lani (5:06:19 PM): OMG
Lani (5:06:20 PM): LOLOLOLOL
Popkin (5:06:35 PM): And fucking NOBODY ELSE reacted to it
Lani (5:06:42 PM): ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
Popkin (5:07:11 PM): I was, like, "You're fucking kidding me" and started looking around the room, but everybody else ignored it
Lani (5:07:18 PM): WHAT THE FUCK
Lani (5:07:42 PM): you should have gotten up and written "pedophiles anonymous club contact jeremy at ilikeyoungboys@gmail.com"
Popkin (5:07:55 PM): Ahaha
Popkin (5:08:32 PM): What's funny is how he didn't even try to disguise it as 'Anthropomorphic Animal Enthusiast Club!'
Popkin (5:08:35 PM): Just Furry Club
Lani (5:09:22 PM): lol
Lani (5:11:45 PM): you gotta write that story in lj
Lani (5:11:53 PM): everyone would appreciate it

So I did

Why English Majors Should Not Take Chemistry

EvilPopkin@yahoo.com — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 22:45:23 GMT

I have to do pre-class assignments for my Chemistry course, which are usually just a question or two on the material covered in the upcoming lesson. The following is this week's question as well as my response to it.

1.Limiting reactants are one of the more challenging concepts in chemistry. Think of an analogy for limiting reactants and then explain that analogy in such a way that your parents could understand.

Okay, let’s say it’s my birthday… No, it’s not actually my birthday. My birthday is in June. Yes, it was in June last year. It’s in June every year. Listen, that’s not the point. I’m just using it as a – yes, I know your birthday is in two months. Yes, I know you want the first season of Two and a Half Men on DVD, Mom told me. Sure, Charlie Sheen is hilarious, whatever. Anyway, it’s my birthday and we decide to have cupcakes. Yes, they’re store bought, because God forbid you take the time to bake something for me. Let’s say there are five cupcakes, enough for the whole family. Yes, I know Dad has diabetes. I know he wouldn’t be able to have one. It’s a hypothetical situation. In this scenario, he didn’t stuff his face for fifty years then freak out when his doctor told him he couldn’t eat doughnuts anymore. So, there’s five cupcakes, one for each of us, but I’ve brought two friends over. So, because I – yeah, I guess they’d be guys. Why don’t I bring more girls to the house? What does that have to do with anything? What the hell are you insinuating? I have plenty of female friends, I just don’t bring them over here because you’d probably try and guilt them into going out with me. So, there’s five cupcakes and seven people. And since it’s not like we ever share anything in this family, my two friends can’t have cupcakes. I tell them I’m lucky to have actually gotten a cupcake. So, the cupcakes are the limiting reactant, and the two other people are the excess reactant. And I guess the product is birthday joy, or whatever. Yes, this is what I'm learning in school. No, it probably won't get me a job working at Uncle Ethan's accounting firm. I thought the point of having an uncle in the business was that it didn't matter if you were qualified. Y'know what? Forget it. If you need me, I'll be up in my room bottling up my hatred for the both of you.

I didn't actually send it in, because I don't really hate my parents. I guess that's what people call "self-control".

EvilPopkin@yahoo.com — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 22:02:07 GMT

I had to do this, because it's kind of awesome. I also had to use the name Jeremy, because apparently people who have my last name are incredibly boring.

RULES: Go to Google and type in your first name and the phrase. Copy and paste the first sentence/phrase you get that makes sense.

Q: Type in "[your name] needs" in the Google search.
A: Jeremy needs a hug.
(Oh Google, you know me better than anyone.)

Q: Type in "[your name] looks like" in Google search.
A: Jeremy looks like the number one right-hand man to the Dark Lord.

Q: Type in "[your name] says" in Google search.
A: Jeremy Says, "Too Much Sex is a Bad Thing" for Animals.
(I'm not really sure I can decide that for them.)

Q: Type in "[your name] wants" in Google search.
A: Jeremy wants to be an astronaut.

Q: Type in "[your name] does" in Google search.
A: Jeremy does Andy.
(I’m not gay, Google >/)

Q: Type in "[your name] hates" in Google search.
A: Jeremy hates you all.

Q: Type in "[your name] loves" in Google search.
A: Jeremy loves chocolate.

Q: Type in "[your name] enjoys" in Google search.
A: Jeremy enjoys guys making out.
(I SAID I’M NOT GAY GOOGLE DDD:)

Q: Type in "[your name] asks" in Google search.
A: Jeremy asks for a Treat.
(Yez!)

Q: Type in "[your name] goes" in Google search.
A: Jeremy goes to Japan!

Q: Type in "[your name] likes " in Google search.
A: Jeremy likes looking at the stars.

Q: Type in "[your name] eats " in Google search.
A: Jeremy eats poo.
(… ;~;)

Q: Type in "[your name] wears " in Google search.
A: Jeremy wears tight pants.
(For the ladies. Not the guys.)

Q: Type in "[your name] was arrested for" in Google Search.
A: Jeremy was arrested for lewd conduct with a sheep in France.
(So, according to Google, I’m an emotionally needy homosexual who likes to eat shit and fuck animals. Thanks, internet.)

Year One, in which Popkin Learns He's a Wizard and Thus Capable of Magical Things

EvilPopkin@yahoo.com — Thu, 08 May 2008 07:30:51 GMT

So. I'm done my first year of college. I feel as if I should somehow be older and wiser for the experience, but I don't think I am. Maybe I'm not supposed to be, because maybe change doesn't come that easy. What I did gain, though, were a few lessons about myself. I've learned things that are both good and bad, things that I should work on and things that make me who I am. I guess if my first year at college did any one thing for me it was getting me closer to finding my identity than fours years of high school ever did.

I’ve learned that I’m capable of excelling academically. I’ve learned that I have the potential to become a good writer, but that I still have a long way to go developmentally. I’ve learned that I can make lasting friendships, but that they’re few and far between and that’s perfectly fine with me.

I’ve learned that I have no sense of financial responsibility. I’ve learned that I’m actually kind of ignorant when it comes to matters of race and culture. I’ve learned that I’m pretty terrified when it comes to new experiences.

I still have a lot to learn about relationships. I still don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I don’t know whether I should go all out for my dreams and risk utter failure or play it safe and work towards a career that promises money and independence. I still fear being that loser in his mom’s basement, and am working desperately to make something out of myself to prevent that.

All in all, my first year of college didn’t yield any major transformations. What it managed to do was put a lot of things in perspective. It showed me my strengths and weaknesses. It showed me my limitations and what I need to do to break through them. It showed me what’s possible when I apply myself, and what’ll happen if I grow complacent. I’ve got another three years ahead of me, and I’m not going to let them pass by uneventfully like I did with high school.

Dear God, when is the last time I did a meme?

EvilPopkin@yahoo.com — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 04:16:38 GMT

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EvilPopkin@yahoo.com — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 02:54:03 GMT

The whole world is a circus if you look at it the right way. Every time you pick up a handful of dust, you see not the dust, but a mystery, a marvel, there in your hand. Everyime you stop and think, "I'm alive, and being alive is fantastic." Every time such a thing happens, you are part of the circus of Dr. Lao.

Prom!

EvilPopkin@yahoo.com — Tue, 22 May 2007 00:25:00 GMT

Prom was: Fun! Despite my intense, serious doubting prior to it. The following things took place and are documented here for me to pull up when I'm old, lonely, and trying desperately to remember the days when the doves of youth sang ever so sweetly.

- Caitlin Roberts asked me to go with her, and I practically jumped at the opportunity.

- My entire family and Caitlin's mom and Grammy lined-up in a row to take pictures of us. I'm sure half of those pictures are of me looking like a deer in headlights.

- I had to repeat everything I said for the first half of the night, because I was mumbling too softly to be heard above the blaring music that accompanied us wherever we went.

- It took place at the Sheraton in Philadelphia which, incidentally, was the same hotel as AnthroCon 05'. There were a lot less furries, and a lot less frightened bystanders.

- Sarah said I cleaned up nicely.

- Tiffany's boyfriend looked like a Japanese pop-star. Or yakuza.

- Cocktail hour was weird. It sort of felt like mingling at a wedding. We totally had polite, adult dinner conversations.

- Caitlin loved her corsage. Like, loved her corsage. It made me happy to have done something right for her.

- We danced. We danced all night long. Seriously, we tore up the dance floor while looking like the whitest couple in the room, an impressive feat considering our school is full of rich, white teenagers.

- One of those circles formed where people go into the middle and bust a move. Caitlin tried to push me in, but there were a few people (thankfully) blocking the way.

- First time I ever rode in a limo! It was nice, especially on the way back when we were listening to John Coltrane while Brian Dempsey told us a story about some college party he went to where two kids were trying to kill each other.

- Corey grabbed my ass while I was dancing. After the last song was over, I called him a bitch for not having asked me to prom.

- Caitlin and I kissed each other on the cheek, because the DJ told everyone to do it.

- The theater kids asked to do the Time Warp, but were booed off the stage three-quarters of the way through the song. I was (not so) secretly singing along.

- Caitlin kept asking to see the back of people's dresses, because it was the only ice-breaker she knew.

- The fire alarm went off, which obliged everyone to start singing "The Roof is on Fire". It's possible that it actually was.

- We got into Andrew's party, which involved Andrea, Sharon, Pat, JT, and Brendon. We sort of asked to come, but we really didn't want to go home.

- The party wasn't exactly exciting, per se. It was supervised, so all we really did was play videogames and watch a movie. It was the best we could do, cause neither of us really belonged to any particular social group.

- I rocked Caitlin out at Guitar Hero, but she plays real guitar, so I guess she technically won by default.

- We watched Tokyo Drift, which was.. just what you'd expect from a movie about drift racing in Japan.

- There was a character named Morimoto in the movie. Andrea grinned at me when I squealed out "Iron Chef!" I explained to her that I actually hated Morimoto, because he was nowhere near as hardcxre as Sakai and Kenichi.

- I slept for roughly three hours, though I kept slipping in and out of consciousness.

- In the morning, JT was totally having a conversation with Andrew's parents, as if he were an old business partner or something. It was hilariously adorable.

- We all played Mario Kart on our DS's in the morning. I annoyed the hell out of everyone by singing the invincible music every time I got a star, because we all had the sound turned off. Everyone started doing it after me. Trend setter!

- I dropped Caitlin off at around 11:30 or so, then came home and took a five hour nap.

- Caitlin surprised me. I was really dreading prom, because we never really could manage a conversation with each other. But by the end of the night we had no trouble at all with talking to one another. She's the reason I went, the reason I danced, and the reason I had a lot of fun. I'm entirely grateful.

- Prom, overall, was great.

- As great as it was, Cami still owes me a second prom at AC. <3

Harry Potter and the what?

EvilPopkin@yahoo.com — Thu, 29 Mar 2007 03:26:29 GMT

Cover of the final Harry Potter book was released today.

Not quite sure I approve of the title change, but it should be interesting to see where she goes with this.

EvilPopkin@yahoo.com — Tue, 09 Jan 2007 20:54:16 GMT

The Citzen Kane of Canterbury Tales English Project Videos.

New Years Resolutions

EvilPopkin@yahoo.com — Sun, 31 Dec 2006 16:43:12 GMT

- Eat healthier.

- Stop procrastinating.

- Write more often.

- Stop living vicariously through fictional characters.

- Get close to a girl so I can ask her out to the prom.

- Improve hygiene.

- Formulate a genuine personality.

- Read more.

- Destroy every man, woman, and child who stands in my way.

- Listen to even more pretentious music.

EvilPopkin@yahoo.com — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 04:57:13 GMT

in vermont

send help

Ganked from Lettie!

EvilPopkin@yahoo.com — Sun, 10 Dec 2006 04:24:52 GMT

Pick a number from 1-2814 and I will send you the song that the number corresponds to on my playlist.

Or pick multiple numbers, because my playlist is awesome.

EvilPopkin@yahoo.com — Mon, 04 Dec 2006 17:19:44 GMT

I have a research paper on Megan's Law due Wednesday. This is what I have so far.

"PEDOPHILES ARE BAD. I DON’T LIKE PEDOPHILES. THAT IS WHY MEGAN’S LAW SHOULD BE ENFORCED EVERYWHERE AND I THINK THAT IT SHOULD BE MADE SO THAT WHEN YOU’RE A PEDOPHILE MEGAN COMES AND PUTS YOU IN JAIL HERSELF.

THE END."

This is what happens when there's a substitute in my writing class.

Voice Post: It's time to come out of the closet~

EvilPopkin@yahoo.com — Tue, 28 Nov 2006 01:34:03 GMT

EvilPopkin@yahoo.com — Wed, 08 Nov 2006 06:31:42 GMT

I'll admit, there were times when my belief in God wavered. The Big Bang theory and evolution really seemed to have him cornered. The whole faith thing just wasn't doing it for me in the face of mounting terrorist threats and environmental chaos in the form of hurricanes and global warming. The whole world seemed to be on the brink of destruction and this God guy was nowhere to be found.

But nothing - nothing - says miracle quite like your school being closed because of a bomb threat on the day the English project you didn't finish is due.

Thanks, Big Guy.

EvilPopkin@yahoo.com — Wed, 01 Nov 2006 22:54:31 GMT

Jeremy Popkin, officially licenced driver.

[yes, i am eighteen.]

[yes, it took me four tries to pass the test.]

[why yes, i would like you to shut the fuck up.]

:D

EvilPopkin@yahoo.com — Tue, 03 Oct 2006 23:45:38 GMT

"You know how I bowl so good? I imagine your head at the end of the alley. I just roll the ball and bam!"

-My father to my mother.

I love my parents.

EvilPopkin@yahoo.com — Sat, 23 Sep 2006 16:07:21 GMT

Lewis Black does this whole bit about hearing the stupidest thing he's ever heard. It's a statement that just so utterly idiotic that it just bounces back and forth in your head until you have an aneurysm. It's a great bit and I laugh every time I hear it, but I never really got it until today.

While browsing around one of SA's Awful Links, I found this.

Don’t worry, SomethingAwful is a place full of pretentious wanks whose sole purpose is to put down other’s work, knowing full well that the only thing they can achieve is mediocrity.

It’s no place of dynamic entertainment, merely a cesspool of incessant elitism and third-rate humour.

Come on over to 4chan sometime. You seem like the guy that would suit us.

FDAFSDFAFA.

This entry is not about Steve Irwin (RIP STEVE IRWIN)

EvilPopkin@yahoo.com — Mon, 04 Sep 2006 15:35:24 GMT

Every so often I like to wax nostalgic of internets gone by. It mostly involves me looking over old Toonopolis posts and wondering what the hell I thought was so funny.

But when I dig a little deeper I find stuff like this, this, and this and wonder what the hell I did with my childhood.

Fuck you, internet.

EvilPopkin@yahoo.com — Sun, 06 Aug 2006 23:58:11 GMT

ZOMG OTAKON. ZOMG SO FUN. ZOMG NERDS.

Otakon was a lot of fun, probably the most fun I've had since Anthrocon last year. Convention wise, it's a lot more fun than Anthrocon, but socially it wasn't as nice without our entire group being there. But we stayed with some really nice people and we still had a good time.

I actually bought stuff! Manga and comic books! And a Kiba keychain! And a kunai, because Naruto and various ninja crap made up about 50% of all merchandise!

Lani and I sat in on a lot of crappy anime shows. We saw Power Puff Girls Z, which was absolutely terrible. We saw some show where two kids had to save all the fairies so they could make flowers for the world, which reminded me why I hate Japanese people.

Some other shit happened, but I'm not about to recount it all.

ZOMG SO AWESOME.

Poll Time!

EvilPopkin@yahoo.com — Tue, 30 May 2006 20:14:31 GMT

Payment for our senior trip is coming up. It's $900+ for a week long excursion to Disney World. Friends! Rides! Memories! Now, should I:

A) Go on the senior trip with my fellow peers and visit Disney World for the first time in your life, although the majority of my friends are not going on it and I'd probably have to find a group of kids I'm only slightly acquainted with to leech off of.

B) Ask my parents to put the money toward a new computer, despite the fact the computer has long been a social crutch for me and a new one would probably result in only further distancing me from any attempts at enjoying my teenage years (ie, World of Warcraft).

C) Don't spend any amount of money because there are kids who can't afford shoes in third world countries while your only economic concern is which overpriced endeavor you want to put your parent's hard earned money into, you selfish fucking prick.

EvilPopkin@yahoo.com — Tue, 23 May 2006 19:53:40 GMT

Dear Dad,

Continue being awesome.

- Jeremy, the only child capable of passing on the Popkin seed.

P.S. Please get me a new computer, because we're so astoundingly rich and can afford to buy anything we want, rite?

Notice

EvilPopkin@yahoo.com — Tue, 02 May 2006 19:15:31 GMT

I hereby terminate my current high school crush. The position is now open to any and all females I find attractive and/or interesting. Applications will be accepted for the 06-07 school year. The position will be secure until my first semester in college, when I will most likely embark on a sexually experimental journey that will culminate with me moving to New Hampshire to live with my life partner.

Benefits include me pining after you relentlessly, me leering creepily at you every time we pass in the hall, me never professing my true feelings to you or for you, and health care.

In case you needed a reminder

EvilPopkin@yahoo.com — Tue, 18 Apr 2006 02:27:05 GMT

For one reason or another I woke up at 4AM last night, resulting in roughly three hours of sleep because I couldn't fall asleep until 1AM. My first period on my first day back was Health, where my teacher lectured us on birth defects for an entire fifty-five minutes. After class I found this posted on my locker.

"To: Popkin
From: The Universe

SPRING BREAK'S OVER FUCKTWAT.

PS I SKULL FUCKED YOUR MOTHER."

Noble Endeavors

EvilPopkin@yahoo.com — Sat, 08 Apr 2006 18:08:36 GMT

There's a chance in some men's life when eternal glory is staring them right in the face. It's an opportunity to have your name engraved in history for an achievement of epic proportions. Winning the Super Bowl. Winning the Nobel Peace Prize. Being awarded the Medal of Honor. Having the name you suggested being put into the random character naming system in a Japanese roleplaying game.

http://nisamerica.com/poll/Poll_It.cgi

That's right. NIS America took entries for names it would put into the random name generator in Disgaea 2. My ingenious creation of the name "Strudel" managed to make it into the second phase. You can help make it go to the final cut. Just vote for Strudel every day until April 14th.

Vote Strudel and help me achieve the pride that could only come from knowing your name made it into a video game that will only be played by a handful of people.