Popkin (evilpopkin) wrote,

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Why English Majors Should Not Take Chemistry

I have to do pre-class assignments for my Chemistry course, which are usually just a question or two on the material covered in the upcoming lesson. The following is this week's question as well as my response to it.

1.Limiting reactants are one of the more challenging concepts in chemistry. Think of an analogy for limiting reactants and then explain that analogy in such a way that your parents could understand.

Okay, let’s say it’s my birthday… No, it’s not actually my birthday. My birthday is in June. Yes, it was in June last year. It’s in June every year. Listen, that’s not the point. I’m just using it as a – yes, I know your birthday is in two months. Yes, I know you want the first season of Two and a Half Men on DVD, Mom told me. Sure, Charlie Sheen is hilarious, whatever. Anyway, it’s my birthday and we decide to have cupcakes. Yes, they’re store bought, because God forbid you take the time to bake something for me. Let’s say there are five cupcakes, enough for the whole family. Yes, I know Dad has diabetes. I know he wouldn’t be able to have one. It’s a hypothetical situation. In this scenario, he didn’t stuff his face for fifty years then freak out when his doctor told him he couldn’t eat doughnuts anymore. So, there’s five cupcakes, one for each of us, but I’ve brought two friends over. So, because I – yeah, I guess they’d be guys. Why don’t I bring more girls to the house? What does that have to do with anything? What the hell are you insinuating? I have plenty of female friends, I just don’t bring them over here because you’d probably try and guilt them into going out with me. So, there’s five cupcakes and seven people. And since it’s not like we ever share anything in this family, my two friends can’t have cupcakes. I tell them I’m lucky to have actually gotten a cupcake. So, the cupcakes are the limiting reactant, and the two other people are the excess reactant. And I guess the product is birthday joy, or whatever. Yes, this is what I'm learning in school. No, it probably won't get me a job working at Uncle Ethan's accounting firm. I thought the point of having an uncle in the business was that it didn't matter if you were qualified. Y'know what? Forget it. If you need me, I'll be up in my room bottling up my hatred for the both of you.

I didn't actually send it in, because I don't really hate my parents. I guess that's what people call "self-control".
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